Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
