Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
