if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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