You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
