3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
