he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
