You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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