By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
