Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
