I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
