God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
