Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
