im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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