its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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