Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
