thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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