You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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