I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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