Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
