That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
