Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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