is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My nipple is on Facebook.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
