Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize