Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
