So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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