I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
