I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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