Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
