highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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