from now on my penis is your penis
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
