I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
