i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
