Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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