okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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