the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize