i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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