To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
