a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
