Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
