Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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