dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
