wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
