How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
