So drunk its hurt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
