Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
