Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
