What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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