So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
