if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
