I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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