A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
