dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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