Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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