Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
