she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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