You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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