If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize