So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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