6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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