i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
