My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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