plz talk dirty to me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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