ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
