I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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